IELTS Essay Analysis and Improvement: From Band 5 to Band 9

Based on your essay, I would rate it as a Band 5 in terms of IELTS writing. Although you have provided some information about the bar graph, there are several areas for improvement to reach a Band 9 essay. Let's work on enhancing it:

The given bar graph illustrates the distribution of post-school qualifications among males and females in Australia in the year 1999.

Overall, there was a clear disparity in the proportion of males and females with different levels of qualifications. Notably, a higher percentage of women held undergraduate diplomas and bachelor's degrees, while men dominated in skilled vocational diplomas, postgraduate diplomas, and master's degrees.

It is worth noting that a significant majority of individuals with skilled vocational diplomas were male. Conversely, around 70% of undergraduate diploma holders were female. In terms of postgraduate qualifications, males constituted 70% of the total.

Furthermore, the proportion of males and females with bachelor's degrees and master's degrees was relatively similar. Females slightly outnumbered males in the bachelor's degree category, whereas males surpassed females by approximately 20% in the master's degree category.

In conclusion, the data from the bar graph highlights the differing levels of post-school qualifications between males and females in Australia in 1999. While women were more likely to hold undergraduate diplomas and bachelor's degrees, men were more prevalent in skilled vocational diplomas, postgraduate diplomas, and master's degrees. (150 words)

Please note that this is just a suggested improvement to your essay. It is important to note that achieving a Band 9 essay requires a high level of vocabulary, grammar accuracy, and a well-developed response.