Confucius on Mourning: Why Three Years?

In ancient China, children were expected to mourn for three years after their parents died. This meant no entertainment, banquets, or official duties. Zai Yu thought three years was too long and suggested just one year, worried that neglecting music and rituals for so long would be bad. Confucius called Zai Yu 'not benevolent.' He said, 'Think about it, we all spend our first three years in our parents' arms before we can walk. They give us so much, so we should mourn them for at least three years.' Even after the three years were up, Confucius felt that gratitude and care for parents should continue. He believed the three-year period was a balance, helping those who were overly sad to move forward and reminding those who were numb to be grateful.