根据雅思评分标准对以下作文进行打分并给出修改建议: Due to the technology and development of medical industry there are more and more medicines called highly efficency came outPeople are more likely trying suitable pills or
Overall, this essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. However, there are several areas that need improvement in order to achieve a higher score.
Firstly, the essay lacks coherence and organization. It would benefit from a clear introduction that provides an overview of the topic and a thesis statement. Additionally, each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and be logically connected to the previous and following paragraphs.
Secondly, there are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay. For example, the sentence "People are more likely trying suitable pills or treatments when they are facing health problems instead of going to the hospital to ask their doctors for help" should be revised to "People are more likely to try suitable pills or treatments when they face health problems instead of going to the hospital to consult their doctors." It is important to thoroughly proofread the essay to correct these mistakes.
Furthermore, the essay lacks specific examples and evidence to support its arguments. It would be beneficial to provide specific instances where alternative medicines have been effective and cases where taking new medicines without professional advice has led to negative consequences. This would strengthen the overall argument and make it more convincing.
In terms of vocabulary, the essay is fairly basic. It would be advantageous to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and more sophisticated sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
To summarize, this essay has potential, but it needs improvement in terms of organization, grammar, supporting evidence, and vocabulary. With these modifications, the essay could receive a higher score
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