Now I am a student of IELTsI will show you my article with writing title and you should give me a final score by IELTS Offical Writing Criteria then tell me the reason of that with some adviceHere is

Overall, your essay is well organized and contains relevant arguments. However, there are some areas for improvement. Based on the IELTS Official Writing Criteria, I would give your essay a score of 6.5.

Firstly, your essay meets the minimum word count requirement and is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. You also provide relevant examples to support your arguments. However, some of your sentences are too long and complex, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your ideas. It is important to use shorter sentences with clear and concise language to convey your thoughts effectively.

Secondly, you provide a clear position in response to the prompt and support it with reasons and examples. However, you could have provided a more balanced view by acknowledging the opposing argument and explaining why you still hold your position. This would have shown a deeper understanding of the issue and demonstrated critical thinking skills.

Finally, although your essay is well-structured, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that make the essay difficult to read. It is important to proofread your work carefully to avoid these errors.

Overall, your essay shows potential but needs to improve in terms of language use, critical thinking, and grammatical accuracy. To improve your writing, I would suggest practicing writing shorter sentences with clear language and proofreading your work carefully to avoid errors. Additionally, try to develop a more balanced view by acknowledging opposing arguments and explaining why you still hold your position