Overcoming Nervousness: A Gaokao Story and the Wisdom of Levin

I meant to say...I came here...to ask you to be my wife! The renowned author Leo Tolstoy masterfully crafted a captivating atmosphere in Anna Karenina when Levin expressed his love for Kitty. However, I was taken aback by Levin's composed and rational behavior after being rejected.

Feeling nervous, which often leads to a sense of gloom and despondency, is anything but comforting. Therefore, it might be perplexing to understand how this feeling arises and persists throughout the long evolution of humankind.

'Thump, thump, thump...' I could hear the vigorous pounding of my own heart. Nervousness engulfed me, making it futile to concentrate on the videos playing on my iPad. Waiting for the results of the Gaokao examination was an arduous journey for me, a confused student with no knowledge of what the future held.

The grades would be available at 2 p.m. Memories of my tireless studying flashed through my mind like scenes from a documentary. What if I achieved an unexpectedly outstanding score for my three years of hard work? To put it simply, I was anxious yet hopeful.

The vibration of my watch signaled the time. Despite the added stress, I preferred to gauge the outcome through the micro-expressions of others rather than checking my grade myself. Living in the loft, I eagerly searched for any reaction from my parents. If my mark was satisfactory, they would undoubtedly send a message and rush upstairs to congratulate me.

However, I waited for what seemed like an eternity, but instead of the anticipated joyful noise downstairs, a dreadful silence filled the air. Gradually, I began to perspire profusely. All my expectations crumbled, replaced by restlessness. Terrifying scenarios flooded my mind, driving me to the brink of madness. I dreaded facing the harsh reality.

But then, something peculiar happened. A multitude of thoughts suddenly inundated my mind, providing me with a space for rational thinking. I felt an unprecedented clarity. The memory of my failure in the Middle School Entrance Examination resurfaced before my eyes. Even though I was devastated by the dismal score, I still managed to lead a vibrant and fulfilling life in another high school, forging friendships and studying with immense joy. As these thoughts multiplied, I gradually realized that the outcome of the Gaokao, which used to rank highest on my list of priorities, was inconsequential. Taking a deep breath, my mind settled like still water.

In the midst of utmost seriousness, rational thinking granted me the ability to face the worst possible outcome calmly, rather than succumbing to a nervous breakdown. I understood that nervousness, with its dreary and unpleasant nature, is merely a stress response that aims to protect oneself.

'It was inevitable.' Levin's concise and precise response in Anna Karenina showcased his astonishing capacity for reason during that period, ultimately leading to a brighter future. Regardless of how anxious we were beforehand, we find ourselves composed as events unfold.

Finally, when my father sluggishly ascended the stairs and forced a smile, saying, 'How are you doing? I have some sad news,' I beamed cheerfully, surpassing his expectations.