Facing Gaokao: A Lesson in Calm Amidst Nervousness

'I mean to say... I came here for this... for you to be my wife!' The great author Leo Tolstoy created a highly charged atmosphere between the lines when Levin expressed his love to Kitty in 'Anna Karenina'. However, I was surprised by how composed and rational Levin remained after being rejected.

Being nervous, which leads to low spirits and distressing experiences, is not comforting. Therefore, it can be perplexing to understand how this feeling is generated and maintained throughout the long evolution of human beings.

'Thump, thump, thump...' I could hear the intense pounding of my own heart. Nervousness engulfed me as I desperately tried to focus on the videos playing on my iPad. Waiting for the Gaokao results was an arduous journey for me, a confused student with no knowledge of what the future holds.

The grades would be available at 2 p.m. The memories of my tireless studying flashed through my mind like a documentary. What if I achieved an unexpectedly high mark for my three years of hard work? To put it simply, I was anxious yet hopeful.

The vibration of my watch signaled the time. Despite the added stress, I chose to gauge the outcome through the micro-expressions of others rather than checking my own grade. Living in the loft, I eagerly searched for my parents' reaction. If I had achieved a satisfactory score, they would undoubtedly send a message and rush upstairs to congratulate me.

However, I waited for what seemed like an eternity, but nothing happened; instead, there was a dreadful silence downstairs. Gradually, I started perspiring profusely. All my expectations were replaced by agitation. Terrible scenarios flooded my mind, driving me to the brink of madness. I feared facing the harsh truth.

But it was strange how tens of thousands of thoughts suddenly inundated my brain, providing me with a space for rational thinking. I felt an unprecedented clarity. The memory of my failure in the Middle School Entrance Examination resurfaced before my eyes. Despite the devastating grade, I still led a pleasurable and vibrant life in another senior high school, forging friendships and studying with immense joy. As more thoughts emerged, I gradually realized that the outcome of Gaokao, once placed at the top of my priority list, was unnecessary. Taking a deep breath, my mind settled like calm water.

Rational thinking, even in the gravest of circumstances, allowed me to face the worst possible outcome with composure instead of succumbing to a nervous breakdown. I came to understand that nervousness, gloomy and unpleasant, is merely a stress response that seeks to protect oneself.

'It was inevitable.' Levin's concise and precise response in 'Anna Karenina' hinted at his remarkable capacity for reason during that period, which paved the way for a brighter future. Regardless of how nervous we were beforehand, we remain calm when events unfold.

Finally, when my father ascended the stairs with a slouched posture and forced smile, he delivered the news, 'How are you doing? Here's the sad news.' 'Clearly.' I beamed cheerfully, surpassing his expectations.