IELTS Essay Feedback: Analyzing Price Fluctuations of Metals in 2014

Overall, your essay provides a clear overview of the average monthly changes in prices of copper, nickel, and zinc in 2014. The information is well-presented, and you have highlighted the key trends and variations among the three elements. Here are some suggestions to further improve your essay:

1. Improve sentence structure: Some of your sentences can be rewritten to enhance clarity. For example, instead of 'In macro respect, the vibration of Nickel was the most fierce among those three materials,' you can say 'In terms of overall volatility, nickel experienced the highest fluctuations compared to the other two elements.'

2. Include specific data: While you mention the changing levels as percentages, it would be beneficial to provide specific figures from the chart to support your analysis. For example, instead of saying 'the changing level of Nickel was the highest at 7%,' you can mention the actual price change, such as 'the price of Nickel increased by 7%.'

3. Develop the analysis further: In addition to describing the general trends, you can provide additional insights. For instance, you can discuss the possible reasons behind the fluctuations or any significant events or factors that influenced the price changes.

4. Use cohesive devices: To improve the flow and cohesion of your essay, consider using transition words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will help the reader follow your analysis more smoothly.

Based on the essay provided, I would assess it as follows:

• Task Achievement: 6.5
• Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
• Lexical Resource: 6
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.5

Overall, I would assign your essay a band score of 6.5 for IELTS writing. Continue practicing to further develop your analysis and ensure clarity in your writing. Good luck with your IELTS preparation!