Overall, this essay addresses the topic and provides a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The arguments are somewhat developed, but there could be more specific examples and evidence to support the points made. The vocabulary and grammar are generally accurate, although there are a few errors and awkward phrasings. There is a good use of cohesive devices to link ideas. However, the conclusion could be stronger by summarizing the main points and providing a more definitive stance. Based on IELTS Writing Task 2 standards, I would score this essay a 6.5.


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